I Want to Come Over
by Evil Willow
Summary: After Riley leaves her, Buffy decides to go see the one her heart has always belonged to.


Title: I Want to Come Over  
Author: EvilWillow  
Email: evlwillow77@aol.com  
Rating: PG-13  
Category: Songfic/Romance/Angst  
Spoilers: This takes place after BtVS: Into the Woods and   
Angel: Reunion. The spoilers are more obvious for Buffy   
than Angel, but all are pretty mild, though.   
Keywords: Couple: Buffy/Angel  
Disclaimer: They're not mine. If they were, the curse never would   
have existed, and Buffy and Angel would be happily married by now.   
The reason none of this is true is because these characters are the   
property of Joss Whedon, The WB, and FOX. The song lyrics are from "I   
Want To Come Over", and are the property of Melissa Etheridge.  
Distribution: My site and any list archives may have   
it as well. If anyone else has my fics already, go ahead and archive   
this if you want it. If you want it, but don't have any of my other   
fics, please drop me an email before you archive it. Just so I   
know! :-)   
Summary: After Riley leaves her, Buffy decides to go see the one her   
heart always belonged to.  
Author's Notes: Been a while since I've posted a B/A fic. This song   
was on the radio the other night, and seemed perfect for a return to   
my favorite couple.  
Author's Notes2: Buffy's POV. // // =lyrics. words in * * = emphasis  
  
  
I Want To Come Over   
  
//I know you're home  
You left your light on  
You know I'm here  
The night is thin  
I know you're alone  
I watched the car leave  
Your lover is gone  
Let me in//  
  
After I couldn't stop Riley from leaving, I went home. I think I   
cried. I know I took some time to think. I eventually realized that   
he was right. We both knew I was living a lie, but he was the only   
one brave enough to finally end that lie for both of us. I'm so sorry   
I hurt him, and I hope he finds the love he deserves someday. The   
love *I* could never give him, because my heart belongs to another.  
  
So here I am, in L.A, standing across the street from the hotel   
Angel's made his home. I got his address from Willow, luckily for me   
she's kept in touch with Cordelia. Now that I'm here, I feel kind of   
lost. Getting here, that was the easy part. It seemed like I was   
working on instinct.   
  
I check my watch; it's late, almost two a.m. All the lights were on   
in the place when I got here, though, so I knew he was there. I just   
saw Cordelia and Wesley leave not too long ago. He followed them out,   
and I ducked into the shadows of a doorway across the street. I   
didn't want to be seen, not yet. He stood there for the longest time,   
looking up and down the street with the cutest, confused look on his   
face. Maybe he knows I'm here, we always did sense each other's   
presence.   
  
I almost step out of the shadows once he's standing there alone. But   
then a car pulls up. It's that bitch cop, I can't believe my eyes!   
He's still speaking to her, after she tried to kill him? They speak   
briefly, then she follows him into the hotel. I sigh and lean against   
the doorway again. That's a mild irritation, but I can wait.   
  
Finally, after about fifteen minutes, she's leaving. He walks her   
out, and as she gets into her car, I see the bite marks on her neck.   
And I know, and it hurts so much I can hardly breathe. He *bit*   
her???? Suddenly I'm so scared that I'm too late, that he's already   
moved on. But I can't walk away without knowing. I have to see him   
one more time, no matter what comes of it.  
  
//Open your back door  
I just need to touch you once more//  
  
So somehow I make myself walk across the street, and up to his door.   
I know, it's his office, but it's also his home. So I'm not sure   
whether I knock, or just go in. But then I look through the glass,   
and I meet his stunned eyes.   
  
And God, he looks so good I want to cry. And I'm thinking I should   
open the door, but he's going to have to take care of that because I   
can't make myself move.   
  
//I want to come over  
To hell with the consequence  
You told me you loved me  
That's all I believe  
I want to come over  
It's a need I can't explain  
To see you again  
See you again//  
  
As he walks toward the door, I'm suddenly wondering why I thought   
this was such a good idea. I try to remind myself, though, that I   
don't care what the consequences of this visit will be. He loved me   
once, and all I can hope is that that love hasn't died.   
  
I needed to come here, but it's not something I can explain easily.   
  
But I'd better try, because he's opened the door and is standing in   
front of me. "Buffy?" he gives me that same confused look   
again. "What are you doing here?"   
  
"I needed to see you," I say, simply. "Can I come in?"   
  
He opens his mouth, and he's got that argumentative look. Suddenly,   
he shuts it again. He sighs, a long, tired sound, and shrugs. He then   
steps back, pulling the door open wider. I'll take that as a yes,   
then.  
  
I follow him into his office, and he perches on the edge of his   
desk. "Have a seat?"   
  
"No thanks," I reply.   
  
And there's silence again. The tension is so thick I think it could   
be cut with a knife. And that phrase never made sense to me before   
now.   
  
He's looking at me, questioningly, and I guess it's only fair. I *am*   
the one who barged in at two in the morning, after all. But this   
conversation went so much smoother when I was running it over in my   
head.  
  
"Riley left me." And suddenly I realize I am the *biggest* idiot ever   
to walk this earth. That's so not how I wanted to start this   
conversation, because now he's going to think--  
  
"Go home, Buffy," he says quietly, now standing at his open office   
door.   
  
--exactly what I thought he'd be thinking.  
  
"No," I reply. "Strike that, rewind, do-over, remove my foot from my   
mouth." Oh good, he cracked a smile at that. I smile back, and   
say, "What I meant to say was I've been doing some thinking, Angel.   
And I realized a few things. One: that I still owe you a huge apology   
from the last time I was here. I acted like a jealous girlfriend, and   
I had no right."  
  
"Apology accepted," Angel says.  
  
"Good. Two: and this should have been painfully obvious to me after   
the way I acted last time...." And suddenly, I can't say it. I'm so   
scared, for so many reasons. But I remind myself I'm not a coward.   
Everything I've ever wanted and needed is standing in front of me,   
and I can't walk away from that without giving it the fight of my   
life. "I still love you."   
  
His face pales. Well, I suppose it was a shock. The way he's gripping   
that doorknob, I'm surprised he hasn't ripped it off. That's a good   
thing, though, it means he has to still care. Right?  
  
"Go home."  
  
I wasn't expecting that. But I'm not going away. I came all the way   
here, I have a little more fight left in me.   
  
//I know your friend  
You told her about me  
She filled you with fear  
Some kind of sin  
How can you turn  
Denying the fire  
Lover I burn  
Let me in//  
  
"Angel, I know what you're thinking. It's too dangerous for us to be   
together. The curse, the vampire/slayer thing, me human you immortal.   
And all the hundreds of other reasons our well-meaning friends have   
given us. But those are not good enough reasons for us to ignore what   
we have."   
  
"Had."   
  
I fight back the tears that spring up at that one word, because that   
hurt more than anything I've ever felt in my life. I take a deep   
breath, and I count to ten inwardly.   
  
I look into his eyes again, and I know that he didn't mean it. He's   
just afraid, because of all of those reasons I've just mentioned.   
  
"Are you saying you don't love me anymore, Angel?" I ask. "How can   
you turn away and deny this fire between us?"  
  
//Open your back door  
I just need to touch you once more//  
  
He doesn't say anything, so I step closer to him. "Angel?" I stop   
just inches away from him. He looks down at me, into my eyes, and I   
know. He's not denying it, he just can't face it. He feels it,   
though. I can't resist the urge anymore, I have to touch him. So I   
reach up to touch his cheek with my hand, and he sighs and leans into   
my touch.   
  
I blink as he's gone suddenly. Damn vampire speed. I turn and find   
him seated behind his desk.   
  
"Why are you here?" he asks.   
  
//I want to come over  
To hell with the consequence  
You told me you loved me  
That's all I believe  
I want to come over  
It's a need I can't explain  
To see you again  
See you again//  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" I reply. "I had to come see you, because I can't   
do this anymore. there's something missing inside me since you left.   
You are a part of me Angel, and neither of us can change that. I   
can't stop loving you, no matter how much I try."  
  
He looks down at his folded hands on the desk, and I decide to take   
that chair.   
  
"You told me you loved me once, and it's all I've ever truly   
believed. I know I've made you doubt it at times, but I never stopped   
loving you, either. I can't live this life without you. I tried,   
Angel. I tried and I failed. So I came here, because I'm tired of   
pretending. I needed to see you again, to find out if there's still a   
chance for us."  
  
I lean back into the chair; it's his turn to talk. He's been staring   
at his hands the whole time, but finally he looks up at me. I know   
what's coming next. Practical Angel has made his appearance.  
  
"I don't want to do this again, but I will if you make me, Buffy." he   
says gently but matter-of-factly. "Nothing's changed. We can't be   
together. If you can't accept that, I'm sorry. But I'm not changing   
my perspective on the situation."  
  
If he thinks it's going to be that easy, he's got another thing   
coming. I'm just getting warmed up. First we deal with his non-  
answers to my previous questions.   
  
//I know you're confused  
I know that you're shaken  
You think we'll be lost  
Once we begin  
I know you're weak  
I know that you want me  
Lover don't speak  
Let me in//  
  
"I know you're confused, Angel--"   
  
"I'm not," he replies shaking his head. "I'm very clear on this,   
Buffy."   
  
"You must be confused," I insist. "You haven't answered two questions   
that I asked you earlier, so you must be having trouble   
answering them." He's giving me a perplexed look, so I explain. "Do   
you love me?"   
  
He looks away again, but not before I notice the pained look on his   
face. I sit back again, feeling much more at ease. I've shaken him   
with that question, so that means his answer is yes. I'm not letting   
him out of saying it out loud, though. I'll wait forever for that   
answer, if I have to.   
  
After... I don't know how long, he looks back at me, with tears in his   
eyes. "Yes, I love you, Buffy. But it doesn't matter," he says. The   
hopelessness in his words tears at my heart and makes the fight to   
hold my tears back futile.   
  
"It does matter," I argue, brushing away the tears. I stand and walk   
around the desk to lean back against it in front of him. "It's the only   
thing that matters."  
  
He looks away again, and I continue. "I know what you're thinking.   
We're doomed before we even begin, so why bother. Right?" He nods,   
still avoiding looking at me. "Wrong. I'm not saying it's going to be   
easy, but our love is too powerful to deny, Angel. I can't do it   
anymore. How much longer can you?"   
  
"The curse--"  
  
"We'll deal with it," I say. "I'd rather be with you, and never be   
able to make love to you, than never have you hold me again."   
  
"You deserve so much more than that, Buffy," he argues, shaking his head.   
  
"Stop talking about what you think I deserve, and start listening to   
what I'm telling you!" I say, my irritation evident. "I understand that you   
thought I'd be *settling* by choosing a life with you. But that was   
never the case. I *was* settling, though, when I was trying to live   
without you! First with Parker, and then with Riley. God, Angel, both were   
disasters. Neither of those relationships were real, they weren't   
enough, because I wasn't with you. That's all I really want,   
Angel, is to be with you. That's all that makes me complete."   
  
He looks up at me again, and that was a tactical error on his part.   
Because I can see it, his resolve is weakening.   
  
"What was the other question I didn't answer?" he asks.   
  
Okay if he's trying to throw off my train of thought, he's doing a great   
job. Question... oh, yeah. I can't help the smirk on my face, as I   
remember. He asked for it. I repress a giggle at the suspicious/half-  
frightened look on his face in response to my expression. "How can   
you turn away and deny this fire between us?"  
  
His eyes darken, and I know that expression so well. He wants me.   
He's trying to ignore it because it scares him to death. I'm scared   
too, but I'm not letting it keep us apart any longer. He stands, so   
close to me, and looks into my eyes. "I never denied it, Buffy. I   
had to walk away from you *because* of that fire. It's what destroyed   
us."   
  
"Almost," I reply gently, putting my hand on his arm, to keep him   
from walking away, more than for any other reason. "But it didn't   
destroy us completely. We're still here, and our love is still alive.   
I believe in us, Angel; I'm asking you to do the same.   
There's too much about our love that is worth fighting for. You make   
me a better person. I'd like to think I --"   
  
"make me a better vampire?" Angel cracks. At my aggravated look, he   
shrugs. "Sorry. Bad joke. I get it. And you do, Buffy, you make me   
believe I'm worth something. But--"   
  
"No more buts, Angel," I cut him off. "No more words. Just try a   
little faith for once, Baby. And let me in."   
  
He looks at me, silently, for what feels like forever. Then his hands   
are cradling my face, and he's gazing at me so tenderly I can hardly   
believe it. I open my mouth to speak, but before I can, he's kissing   
me. I know now that coming here was the first intelligent thing   
I've done in a year and a half. I've finally got my Angel   
back. It's going to last this time, too, if I have any say in the   
matter.   
  
  
*****************  
End   



End file.
